Reece's Rainbow

I reached out to my friend who had recently adopted a little boy.  She was so helpful and SO excited for us.  Her plate had to have been full but she made the time to tell me how they started their adoption.  I was already familiar with Reece's Rainbow and when she assured me it was ok to reach out to them directly.  I did.

Reece's Rainbow is a non profit organization that advocates for children with down syndrome and other special needs.  Reece's Rainbow is awesome.  I contacted them and inquired about a little boy with down syndrome listed on their waiting children page.  RR then connected me with an adoption agency who informed me the little boy had already found his family.  This was wonderful news to hear.  The only part of this news that was hard for us was that we had to inquire about another child...

The hardest part for Tim and I was inquiring about a child.  It was impossible to look at little faces waiting for a family...and pick one.  There could be no wrong choice.

When we inquired about the little boy we did so mainly because he had the least amount of information listed on the website.  You may wonder why that would influence us.  I am going to share why- and I am doing so to give you an honest look at how we approached this part of the adoption process.  It is by no means the only way and I'm sure some would argue it is not the right way- BUT it is the way we handled this aspect of adopting.

When we made the decision to adopt we asked ourselves

How will this decision affect our family?

And

What child could we love and provide for?

The first question was easy, we knew we were called to adopt- of course adopting would affect our family but we were and are confident that God has a perfect plan for our family.

The second question was also easy.  Any child.  We will love and provide for any child God gives us.  The answer is easy.

Then we started looking at children on RR's website.  We cried a lot...well I cried a lot- because I was the one looking through... Timmy couldn't even look.  We wanted to move forward but this step was the most difficult.

RR primarily lists children with down syndrome, but they also list other children with other special needs.  All of the children listed have special needs. We purposefully contacted RR- this is where we felt led.  The challenge is we are human and whereas we will love and be ecstatic about the child God gives us- it was hard to see past the needs- to the children.  Because we know that their special needs do not define them.

But how do you stop your mind from traveling certain paths?  The cost of proper medical care, the challenges to a child who can not walk, the patience required to tend and nurture the emotionally or physically abused.

NONE of those things take away from the value of a child- from the gift of a child- from the child designed by God.

The issue for Tim and I was... we didn't choose the 3 kids we have and we didn't want to choose our next kid either.

SO... we purposefully asked about the little boy whose only line written was- has down syndrome.  Not because we were afraid to know or didn't want to prepare...but because we already were prepared.  And all those voices, with all those questions of worry- were not the voice we needed to be listening to.

If we trusted in God's call to adopt we had to trust that He had already given us the child we are meant to have.  (I know the tenses are messed up in the previous sentence...but it is what I mean..)

And because our God is SO good- before Tim and I could inquire about a different child one was referred to us.

Our adoption agency sent an email with the subject, "How about her?"

Before clicking on the link provided to take us to Marla's bio-  our answer was YES.  By the end of that week our commitment papers to adopt Marla were sent.

God is good, always

So I left things unresolved yesterday. Partly because I was tired of thinking/writing...and partly because the struggle to understand, was a real struggle for me.

 God is good.  God is faithful.  God provides.  God is love.

Children are hungry.  Children are dirty.  Children are neglected.

The question has been asked by many, If God is good why do bad things happen?

The answer is simple and one I have given many times-- sin.  Sin is why.

Seeing children suffer led me to rethink this simple answer.

Seeing hunger, seeing unimaginable neglect, made me question the simplicity of this answer.  Because suddenly my soul was crying, "Why God, why?"

I've wondered if part of the problem lies in my upbringing.  The fact that I have never wanted for anything. Maybe...

Maybe because I have always taken comfort in Matthew 6

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 

27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 

30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 

I have a history of anxiety- which may be why I have always been drawn to these verses. It's comforting, right?  

It speaks to the worrier in me!  

I have always read it as- God's got this- relax- you are silly for worrying- everything will work out.  

But like I said above, I have never wanted for anything. 

 It wasn't until hunger and nakedness stood in front of me, that I wondered...How have I misinterpreted these verses? 

To help you picture things, I will tell you this.  My prayer for some was, "Lord send someone to love them, send someone to feed them and clothe them, and hold them-- Or God take them.  Let them be loved and fed and clothed by You."

The needs were great.

What was I missing?  This wasn't a question of wanting a certain kind of food, or brand name clothing.  This was a need for nourishment and protection.  

I think it important I tell you, that through this struggle I have never doubted God's existence or the relationship I have with Him.  It was during this time of searching that I felt His presence stronger than ever before.

He was with me every painful, heartbreaking step of the way.  Encouraging me to seek Him for truth.  To trust Him and not my emotions (which were all over the place...I'm very emotional...).  To find Him in the midst of my struggle to understand.  

And it came to me.  An answer- not found in online commentary made by people MUCH smarter than I- but in His still small voice.

"You're missing Me"

And I was.  I missed Him.  

"Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?"

JoLynne, isn't the unseen more important than the seen?  Isn't the kingdom of God more important than earthly things?  Isn't the eternal more important than the temporary?

The scripture to me suddenly read differently. 

 It wasn't saying our needs would be met here on earth- it was saying our true need lies in Him.

Our need... is a need for a Savior.

Because our sin wages death.

Why do bad things happen?  Why are there children hungry? Broken? Unwanted?

Because of sin.  The answer is simple.  

It's just a hard answer to hear. 

And it has left me looking at the destruction sin causes, asking...Now what?

Orphans

Every child is made to be loved, protected, taken care of.  Newborns very beings are fragile and incapable of self reliance.  Designed to be loved by the ones who brought them into the world.

This was the plan.  It is a perfect plan. But we are imperfect people.

Along with our opportunity to choose God, came our opportunity to choose sin.

Sin separates us from God.  Separates us from our Heavenly Father.  Sin seeks to make us all orphans.  And we too, no matter our age, are incapable of being self reliant.  We are fragile.

We were created by our Heavenly Father to love Him and be loved by Him.  We were not created to be orphans.

But sin... Sin separates us from God.

Fortunately for us, our Maker is indeed perfect--  perfect in love-- perfect in mercy-- perfect in grace.  He did not leave us irreconcilable in our sin.  He provided a way to Him.  Jesus.

I was lost to my sinful nature.

I can only claim the title, child of God, because Jesus found me.  He sought me. He sacrificed for me.  He changed my name from sinner to saved.  He calls me daughter, and I am not an orphan anymore.

Sorry for the lengthy, perhaps, seemingly off subject writing.  I think it will make sense as I share more(in this post and others) about our journey.  AND if it doesn't...well I did warn you I was going to be a bad blogger...

As Tim and I talked and talked and prayed and prayed and prayed....and prayed about adopting-- my relationship with God became stronger. Funny how prayer can do that.

Prior to beginning the adoption process, I was really struggling.  A recent trip, that provided a glimpse into the circumstances of orphans, left me shaken.  Left me questioning.  Not the existence of God, or even my personal relationship with Him...but left me questioning Him.  Left me trying to reconcile the things I know to be true...with the things I had seen.

God is good.  God is faithful.  God is love.  God does provide.

Children are dirty.  Children are hungry.  Children aren't being loved.

I'm going to stop here before this post gets any longer.

I will definitely speak more about the answers God has given me- and about the questions He has allowed to go unanswered.

He knows.  All my days were written in His book before one of them came to be. I can rest, secure in His promises-- secure in who He is.