Prep for Trip One

This has been a crazy week!

We are SO excited to have our travel dates- June 18th-25th.  And we want to say, thank you to everyone for your support.  Thank you so much.  It is a huge blessing to be able to work toward adopting Marla- without the worry of how we will be able to afford the adoption.  This is only possible because of your love and support- we are blown away by such generosity.


We had a lot of fees due this week and we used a big chunk of the money gifted to us. The money went directly toward two things.  A 6500 foreign fee, and 3500 for travel.  It was incredibly helpful.

All travel arrangements are made and three weeks from today we will meet Marla.

It is overwhelming.  

We have a few last minute things to do this week and next- some more paperwork of course!  BUT at this point- paperwork just doesn't faze us like it did in the beginning of our adoption journey.  

No, I'm overwhelmed by possibilities. My brain is being bombarded by all the things we do not know about our little girl.

Some of you may have wondered about Marla's diagnosis.  And you're not alone- Timmy and I wonder about it too.

 The truth of the matter is, we do not have a lot of information on Marla's condition.  And we don't expect to know anything for certain until she is home with us and able to see a neurologist.

She is diagnosed (in country), with a brain abnormality.  The exact wording and medical letter from her country combined with video of Marla, when reviewed by a Dr. here- did not translate completely(didn't add up). And until imaging/ testing can be done- Drs here can't tell us anything.

So I think about the possibility of her needing significant medical treatment.  And it's scary-- but I have no concerns about her getting excellent treatment in the U.S.

We are really so blessed to live where we do.

This next part- I want to write about- I want to be brutally honest about- what has occupied much of my mind since we got our travel dates.

I know orphanages are far from the ideal place for a child to live.  And I have seen horrific things in an orphanage in Eastern Europe.  Which is what gave us the final nudge to adopt.

You know ever since committing to adopting Marla, I have clung to a picture of her in a pristine white outfit- and a 2 minute video of her in a jumper seat blowing raspberries.  I have listened to others who have seen these two images and concluded that Marla must be in a pretty nice orphanage.  And I haven't let my mind wander too far down a difficult road...

Once we received our travel dates- as though a red light had finally turned green- I asked myself the question I had been too afraid to dwell on...and took off down a gravel road that had just reopened after a long winter.  The kind of bumps that knock your teeth together and scrape the bottom of your car.  The kind of road you avoid unless it is the only way to get to where you're going.

What if Marla's orphanage resembles the one I visited?

What if we walk in and our senses are assaulted by the sight of malnourished children and the smell of sweat and urine?

What if the images that haunt me still today are mirrored in the place where our daughter lives?

I asked the question- and I was able to ask someone who would know the answer.

She took her son, Israel, home from the orphanage where Marla lives earlier this year.

She writes about her first trip- about the orphanage- director- and her sweet little boy- on her blog.  The link is below.

The post from August 2015- titled,  To Hell and Back, gives insight into her trip one. (She is a phenomenal writer and I love her blog- it is all worth reading!)

http://www.ransomforisrael.com/2015/08/

My heart aches a bit more and I am grieving the loss of the dream- that maybe Marla is in a "good place."

How broken.  How broken this world is.
Adoption is amazing- and beautiful- but never forget it comes from a place of loss- of brokenness.

There is a popular quote in the adoption community.


"My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him." - Derek Loux

(I'm not sure why everything is highlighted from here on out...I copied and pasted the quote and it changed something that I don't know how to change back...And I'm not SO concerned that I'm going to take time to figure it out!)

So as Timmy and I prepare for trip one- we are so very excited to meet our daughter.

 But excitement is just one of many emotions we are experiencing- so please pray for us, pray for Marla, pray for orphans.  


I am so thankful God sought me in my brokenness.  What amazing, unbelievable, seriously crazy love He has for the broken. Hallelujah.


"We care for orphans not because we are rescuers, but because we are the rescued"- David Platt

While we wait

It has been six weeks since our dossier was received in country, and we could get the news we are approved to travel at any time.

Some families who have adopted from the same country as we are say they heard around 8 weeks- our agency said more like ten- and honestly it could be longer.  

What do I do while I wait?

Well... I check my phone a lot.  Every time it dings or vibrates I check for the email icon in the top left corner of my screen.  

And several times a day it's there!  And I feel my heart start to beat a little bit faster as I swipe down to see what is in my mailbox... and the waiting continues.

Sometimes when my phone alerts me- it is a Facebook notification from my Reece's Rainbow group.

Several times a day, it is someone from the RR group, advocating for a waiting child.  

And so while I wait- I am reminded that so many children are waiting too. 

They're waiting for a family.  They're waiting to be loved- for someone to say, "I won't leave you there, I will come for you."

Just waiting. 

I look at their sweet little faces, and my heart hurts, and my arms ache, and my feet itch to run to them.  

We are coming for Marla, but there are so many little ones we will leave behind.  We can't be the family- for every orphan.  

And every child was made to have a family. 

So what do I do while I wait?

I pray.  

I click on the waiting child's link to their RR profile- and I read about them- I fall in love with them- I let my heart break for them- and I pray.  

Will you pray with me?

This is a link to Joseph- he lives in an orphanage because his mother passed away.  Sweet baby will be transferred soon from the nice baby house he is in.

http://reecesrainbow.org/84631/joseph-3

There's a YouTube link in his profile!  

Dear God,

Thank you for Joseph.  Thank you for Reece's Rainbow and the work they do advocating for orphans. We are in awe of Your love God.  That You would leave heaven to come to a broken world- that You would give your son to die on a cross, so that we, undeserving as we are, could inherit Your kingdom.  So that we could be your sons and daughters.  Thank you for loving us.  Thank you for saving us.  God, we ask that our hearts be burdened for the orphan.  We ask for a family for Joseph. We want Joseph to experience love and family- they way you designed it to be.   We know Your ways are greater, are higher than our understanding- and we in all things trust in Your goodness and perfect plan.  We love you.  Amen.

Waiting to travel

I have been the worst at updating this blog.  I am so sorry.

I think the main reason this post has been so delayed- is every time I have sat down determined to write something- I feel like I have nothing to say.

That's not exactly true- we are waiting.

Waiting.

And what I want to say is... it kind of sucks.  I could try to put an upbeat spin on the process of doing nothing but waiting- but it's exhausting and I'm getting tired.

I think Tim and I have reached a point where we just want to hold her.  Gosh, we just want to meet her.

Our dossier has been accepted- and now we are waiting to hear we can travel.

This is completely out of our hands- and solely in the hands of someone in another country- who we have absolutely no contact with.

Once we are invited to travel by Marla's birth country- we will leave to meet her asap.  Which will be within two weeks of being invited.

We really want to hear we can travel this month- but it could be June.

And we won't know til we know.

There will be no update until we are told we can travel.


Recently, while at bible study, I was reminded that

God created time for timing.

I was reminded, through scripture, that God has perfect timing.

I need to remember, especially now in this time of waiting, that God is moving.

He's not taking a break, He's not distracted, He's not disinterested...

He is perfect.  His plan is perfect.  His timing is perfect.

When uncertainties make me crazy (just a little bit)- I need to rest in the knowledge that one thing is certain.

God is sure.  God is steady, He is unchanging.

He choreographs the universe to move perfectly.  His timing is flawless.

If His plan is for me to wait- I will wait for Him- knowing that this part too- has been perfectly planned.